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Beloved Leader: June 2005

Beloved Leader

On-the-spot whimsy and wisdom from a Benevolent Despot.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Korean Word of 55 Years Ago

Yewk-ee-oh Sagon - "6.25 Incident," the dastard June 25th attack by puppet south Korean forces, repelled by my Father, Marshall Kim Il-sung. By counter-attacking deep down the Peninsula, we had almost liberated our brothers in the South, but the puppets brought in the Americans with their big noses and their corncob pipes. Well, if they wanted to play the ringer game, we showed them we could play as well...a horde of Chinese minutemen rose up with brotherly ire and came to repel the dogs from the Fatherland. Equally nice were the Soviet air volunteers who came and taught our Mig pilots navigation (many would fly the wrong way trying to find home and be captured by the enemy).

Leading the guerilla war was General Choe Hyun (left). Where did we get such men?

Their work is not yet over. The Armistice remains for half a century, but no peace treaty to end the war. Come on, America, sign it and let us declare victory. It is not the first war you have lost.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

All You Gotta Do Is Be Nice to Me

I have nothing personal against Mister Bush. All I want is respect. Respect, love, and uninterupted power. And more parmesan, please.

You Crazy Capitalists

Murder for hire on the internets! I do not need their services (I have my own), but their T-Shirts are pretty neat. Will be nice change from the jumpsuits.

Love the disclaimers on their page, too!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Korean Word of the Week 05.06.15

Umak - Music. I love the tunes. One of those parody blogs caught on to that and made me look like an 80s hair band-loving goofball. As much as I admire the Taekwondo skills of David Lee Roth, it is all about banging the head. Yes, Metallica. Sure, Saint Anger bites big black bleeding bison balls, but their older stuff is just the thing to vedge to while I am in the gym lifting weights.

I have not the Stones to try this at the Noraebang...Springsteen is more within my range.

Perfunctory hat tip to Cranky Neocon.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Blogging Milestones

Apparently, the blogging custom is to celebrate reaching big, round numbers in site traffic or visits. How meaningful can that be? I have had to reset my counter so many times because my comrades kept running it up that I closed down all internet access in the country. Now I can be satisfied that none of my people are looking over my shoulder. Tonight I hit 5,000 visits, so what am I supposed to do? Build a bronze statue? Make an memorial to them on my sidebar? Oh, please. I had the computer branch of State Security look into these visits and what do they tell me?

#4998 - From toady polyglot blog who wants a ministry post in my administration

#4999 - From Ro Government Cheese - probably looking for a handout from the southern sock puppets to continue studying abroad.

#5000 - suspected retired Yankee air pirate

#5001 - Low-level State Department wienie probably surfing for Jap porn

#5002 - Imperialist 8th Army spies

I am still waiting for 5003. I hope I must not wait all night.

Friday, June 10, 2005

It is Kum Yo-il, You Bastards!

That means "Friday," but of course you knew that if you read my archives. This post is the honor Mister Myungjung at American Drums Linger, for whom my blog was his 10,000th referrer.

Some freebie Korean lessons:

10,000 = "Man" as in "Mansay!" 10,000 years, a cheer analogous to the dirty Jap cry "Bansai!"

Myungjung = "Bullseye" or "direct hit."

Hungboon = "arousal." You know what I mean.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

I Got a Gulag for You, Michelle

The incredible edible Michelle Malkin has read the American warmongers' (no, not THAT one) report on KORAN abuse (not Korean abuse--that is what drew my attention) at the Guantanamo Resort for Islamic Insurgents. Michelle does a great job de-Gulag-izing GITMO for the Western world. This is a weight off my mind. The conservative press and bloggers have performed wonders to deflate the Glorification of Mister Bush as Hitler and poo-pooed the notion that American jailkeepers are anywhere near the world-quality Dungeonmasters that kept Mister Stalin's gulags running with cruel efficiency. I worked so hard to keep my nodongjagus up to Uncle Josef's standards and I am not going to let some big-nosed Yankees steal my limelight in the thunder!

Heck, I would like to see Cuba myself.

Weekend Puppy Blogging

Many pixels have been spend on the "puppy-blending" habits of the Big American Blogger. I think puppy-blending is disgusting! You have to slow-cook those.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Hans Bricks, You Magnificent Bastard!

I led your Brog!

Heh. I do not really talk that way, but I knew that would amuse you. Hans has been blogging up a storm about me and he has a nice turn of phrase:

Nonhumanitarian aid?

We are clearly bargaining with things that mean absolutely nothing to Kim Jung. This guy uses actual live people as bargaining chips. He plays craps with human skulls. He’s got one chip that has a picture of the entire U.S. west coast etched on it. And we’re threatening to cut off North Korea’s supply of toilet paper and fingernail clippers?

Just don’t get it.

He is starting to piss me off by calling me Kim Jung, but at least he links my blog.

I will add him to my blogroll.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Not Gwiyopda

Sure, she is hot, but get real, Jack! Schoolgirl plaid skirt with police gear? Does not do squat for me. Like I would trust a southern capitalist whore with a gun! Only after the proper indoctrination and training does a sweet young thing get to approach the Beloved Leader's Kochu! Looking at this creature makes my fire-eggs retract into my body...now I must take hot shower and jump up and down on my heels to make them come back down.

Perfunctory hat tip to that grubby fishmonger, Lost Nomad.

Korean Word of the Week 05.06.01

Again, I am the number 1 Google result for "Korean Word For XXXX" and again, the searcher did not use quotes. The word this time is "cute." I hope he comes back so he can benefit from my wisdom.

Gwiyopda - To be cute. It is also homophone for "to have no ears." Now there is a well-planned language. I do not care for women with prominent ears. It is not like I need a handhold or anything...that is what pigtails are for.

Now take this woman, Kaori Ohara (no, she is not Irish), I cannot say she is gwiyopda because she is a) a grown woman -- it is awkward to call them "cute" and 2) she has ears that stick out like the doors on my Mercedes-Benz. Goodness, is she a grown woman, or spank me and call me Chun Du-hwan. And would Buddha be envious of those ears? I do not know; I do not believe in him...I am a Communist, dammit!

Now, the lovely Senna Matsuda (below) is gwiyopda is every way. She has got the pink undies, bubble gum, and "jail-bait" teddy bear going for her in the cute department, plus her ears are shyly tucked away under her hair.

But after all is done and said, she is merely a Jap capitalist whore pleasing to the eye. There is a girls middle school visiting the Palace on a field trip today. The Beloved Leader will get some "cute" stuff or I am not the Sun of the Korean Workers' Party.

Submitted to the Carnival of Comedy.

Got Uyu?

It does a body good.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Korean Word of the Week 05-05-31

Won-sung-i (Monkey) - I have strange dreams about monkeys. One monkey is on my back, mussing my stylishly poofy hair and spreading bits of banana in it. The banana makes my hair shiny and manageable. Another sits in the corner, beating a pair of cymbals while grinning maniacally. Two chimps dressed as secret agents speak into their bananas. A small monkey eats a date from my bowl and dies. Another stows away with a small child in the truck of my race car. I must learn not to take my naps while the television is on.