Saturday, July 30, 2005
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Sunday, July 17, 2005
C. I. F*cking A!
The deputy commander of my Bodyguard Bureau is one of the select few I allow access to the internets. Yesterday, he made a report that my inner circle had been penetrated by that gang of assassins, the American Central Intelligence Agency! First, I suspected he may have been trying to supplant his Boss as Bureau Commander, but I heard him out. He brought up some blogs that were covering the evil genius Karl Rove's persecution and filled me in on the Plame Game the Democratics were playing. Pointing to the pic of some blonde, he exclaimed, "Remember that Czech masseusse that worked for you back in Year '98?"
"She looks different without the moustache."
"Yes, Great Leader! But that is her without a doubt! But she was CIA, not FIS, like they figured!"
(See how the weasel said "they" and not "we?")
"Great Leader, I have begun drafting the State Security Damage Assessment. Most ministers to whom she 'administered' report they fed her smalltalk of the inflated arms and oil imports from China, as you commanded. The only real damage done was her ability to profile members of our leadership. Did she not service the Great Leader, as well?"
Hmmm...damage assessment. I was pissing razor blades for days and this rash keeps coming back...
"Just write the report, General. Your vigilance is recognized."
More on this Kanchop here.
Featured on the Carnival of Comedy.
Friday, July 15, 2005
Something from the Ministry of Public Health
I Would Like to Recycle These
They are already recycled from the Canadians. If only the Americans would make nice and surrender to me, I could get some nice Alfa Jets or Mirages to replace all this Chinese and Russian crap I have rusting on my runways. With all that scrap metal, I could have a killer roller coaster built at my new theme park, One Flag over Pyongyang. People from around the world could come see the wonderland which is my capital city and spend their money on the Juche trinkets made by the inexpensive labor of my
On second thought, I have not needed an air force for ages...who wants to fly through all that steel headed south from my artillery? The planes are just high-visibility somethings to keep my peasants heartened. I don't need top shelf stuff for that, since the peasants do not know any better. The southern Air Pirates do, so I might as well ground the planes during a war.
After the Big Noses surrender to me, if they offer me their F-16s, I will take them. Then watch the nose queue at my asshole pile up as France, Germany, and Russia vie for contracts. I can expand the internationally acclaimed Wonsan Clambake into a Fishermans' Wharf thing year-round, once I de-mine/de-net the beaches. My staff do not have much of a nose for profit, so what ideas do you have to bring in the tourists? I mean, besides nude or bikini beaches; none of that stuff goes on in MY country unless *I* am in the room.