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Beloved Leader: July 2006

Beloved Leader

On-the-spot whimsy and wisdom from a Benevolent Despot.

Thursday, July 27, 2006


I turn away from the blog for a few days and the things go Gwang! My Sitemeter functionary tells me that this blog got a visit spike from the big Yankee blogger Ace of Spades this week. Meh, as they say. Wake me up when a major progressive blog links me. Those people I can talk to, once I get past the skin-crawling sensation. In fact, I rolled half the Ministry of Foreign Affairs into my facsimile cigarette manufacturing business until I get someone more pliable into the White House.

Speak of the House, I have people airing my villa after some heavy rain. I have done some travel and attend to personal business with some pleasure mixed in. Might as well. Just when I get the UN fools right where I want them, those hummus-slurping lefthandedbuttwipers have to steal my thunder by getting Israel to attack them. I admire their "rope-a-dope" let-them-bomb-us-until-they-are-exhausted strategy. But this was supposed to be My Time!

Though we must regain the initiative--and the world spotlight--once again, I should enjoy the down time. I have been practicing my Barry White at the Noraebang in order to charm the boots off Minister Rice, but I keep hurting myself on the low notes. Nothing a nice massage can not fix.

Thursday, July 20, 2006


Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Why Do I Not Get Invited To These?

Photo via the Thong Lady.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Excerpt from the Manual 14

This was new to me.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Busy this Week

What has gotten up Japan's ass, anyway?

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Lei of Sunshine

No, I am not talking in that hackneyed Asian stereotype voice perpetuated by those cartoon guys!

After this week's "ministry shuffle," I am please to announce a new minister for economic development, Kenny Lei, from Honolulu, I hear. Mr. Lei's economic acumens are bound to have the Peoples' Republic back on its feet in no time.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Between You and Me

I am blogging in the Natural today.


Sat down with the Party military affairs committee last night. Had some assorted generals, ministers, and academicians brought in to explain what is happening in our "Space Program." To make a long story short, I did not believe for a second that the Peoples Armed Forces Science Ministry intended to put that Cosmonaut into orbit, nor did I fall for the line about the other rockets being cargo modules to keep our Cosmic Comrade supplied until the Yankee Space Pirates "rescued" him and joined in a Great Friendship Born in Space. Do they think I was born in Pusan? (That is a ministry inside joke.)

After those who could make it out on their own power left the chamber, we had a working luncheon. A deputy minister suggested we take a different tack towards gaining concessions direct negotiations from the Demonic Hegemonic President Bush.

"The capitalist masses are so infatuated with their troops--let us kidnap one. We have done kidnapping before. The proletariat will demand their leaders negotiate for their troop's safe return."
Minister Choe had him shot before I could stop choking on my squidchips.

You think if I just send Bush a nice Hwangap present, that would smooth things out? What would he like?

Congratulations on your 60th, my worthy opponent.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Korean Word of the Month

Hyonjijito - On the Spot Guidance

Wednesday, July 05, 2006


So...the Americans launch their space plane and fire several million rockets today...and they are birthing a cow over a few of our rockets?

Bitch, please! And you Japs, quit your hand-wringing! I had to toss in some extra rockets just to overcome the yawn factor. I mean, the Palestinians have made rocketry almost passe. How are they doing with that Kassaam Project, anyway? I have not been keeping up.

Hyonjijito: Ten damned rockets! And this I had to find out from my spies on the Internets ! I gave the okay to send up a few extra tubes to challenge the Yankee Space Pirates--and those chuckleheads send up a year's gross national product worth of ballistic missiles! I used to think I was in control here. Maybe they reached their shelf life. I better make sure I have enough left....

Sunday, July 02, 2006


Nutgye haeso Mianhamnida

How could I forget that Saturday was Canada Day? Here to all my socialist breathren in the Great White Norse.

Towel off, you Hosers!

Excerpt from the Manual - 13

This came from the Hand-to-hand Combat chapter--I think.