Want Some Kimchi, Little Girl?
Since you know the Democratic Peoples Republic is a sexual paradise, you might wonder if we have any vices here. I must confess that the masses here have an unhealthy preoccupation with food that I have been trying do something about. A fat population just can not muster the proper revolutionary zeal it takes to carve a Marxist utopia out of the hills of Chosun, so I have put the masses on a diet. I have dealt sternly, but fairly, with those who try to cheat on this diet (they have their choice of firing squad or hanging), but some of the more willful peasants still manage to bypass my measures. State Security informants in Wonsan report one entrepreneur actually tried to hold a lottery for the corpse of his dog, newly killed by a truck. Two chon a ticket he was collecting! This fledgling Capitalist was trying to make money off a dog he had been hoarding--just two days before, the 645th Military Unit passed through on their Dog Drive and got nothing from that neighborhood. State Security is waiting for the winner to be announced so they can swoop in, get the money, dogmeat, and the two criminals.
H/t to the Politburo Diktat