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Beloved Leader: Another Year Older

Beloved Leader

On-the-spot whimsy and wisdom from a Benevolent Despot.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Another Year Older

What a party! Parades, bands, speeches, dancing girls, baby-oil naked Twister games. No fireworks, though. My generals remind me that our Paki Present is the only one we can be reasonably sure will detonate. Boy, did I give them a look. Why could you not just pop one of ours? They were afraid of failure. What good is having nuclear weapons if you never use them? An atomic explosion in the East Sea might be just the thing to reawake Godzilla and send him stomping through Tokyo again...and we'd have deniability. Of course, it would have been bad for the fishing.

Boy, am I bushed. You think it funny that I use that word Bush? As much as my state media talks down the man, I must confess...I love that dude! We are so much alike. Am I not a conservative nationalist? What is more conservative that keeping the same head of state for decades? Do I not encourage worship in the government (as long as it is me and/or Daddy)? Do we both not yearn to overthrow the world governments and plunder their resources? Do we both not cavort in front of a mirror wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and gunbelt?

He has got some wrong ideas about wealth redistribution, though. He lets his country have too much wealth--that is the trouble with having to get elected. Imagine what he could do if he put his fat nation on a diet and sold his wealth of wheat, meat, guns, and technology for foreign capital? What a missed opportunity. He could buy Malta and use it as an unsinkable aircraft carrier in the Med. And use France as a bombing range.

At least he has the right idea about social welfare...do not give handouts to the lazy masses--make them work for it. Too bad he can not starve the unproductive ones or send dissenters to the gulag. Overcoming these obstacles to power make me admire him even more. If we could only trade places.

No card or telegram for my birthday, though.

1 Comments:

At 2:32 PM, Anonymous Bae in Nampo said...

Happy Birthday Beloved Leader! Me and the other workers at the port of Nampo removing the supplies from the USAID labeled bags and crates into ones with your magnificent image on them wish you many more!

Your cutting of rice rations was a great idea. I'd seen a few of my comrades with abit of fat on them, so a cut in rations is most assuredly the correct path to take.
Many times I've heard evil captailists at the doscks express surprise at the healthiness of your people!

Millions of Americans wish they had our slimness!

The love you show us by not selling out and going to Hollywood to sell your national health program as a book on Oprah brings tears to our eyes! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


PS- I've never watched American TV!!! I have no idea who or what Oprah is!! Yong at Warehouse 2 told me about it/her/he!

 

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