Monkey Business

I recall some years ago when my Father still ruled in person on this Earth, I enjoyed the canape and cocktail routine of the diplomatic community here in the Capital. All the big names of the Non-Aligned Movement (or rather their deputies) would grace our receptions, drink our booze, nod enthusiastically during lectures on the Juche Idealogy, then in the end, leave their orders for machine guns and ammunition with the defense ministry.

At one such reception, a large dark man spoke glowingly of the Soviet aircraft his budding air force was acquiring. When I mentioned that we could supply technical expertise in a mutually agreeable service contract to our socialist brothers, a marshal took me aside and exclaimed that these MIGs were of a model more advanced than ours. Krunchy kimchi, did I turn red! What did these chimps have that the DPRK did not? Okay...oil, diamonds, rubber, and heavy metals are all good answers. The big ape finally consented to a windscreen-washing contract at their training base for a sum of wicker baskets to be named at a future date.

We still do well enough with some of the NAM republics, and will do even better when our factories are powered by cheap, reliable atomic energy. On the other end of the supply chain, our trade representatives proudly bring Juche, socialist fraternity, and ingenuity to the masses afar. Pictured above is one comrade who fielded our new, improved bayonet retention springs.