Delightful!

From the Comments at the Darth Side:

Anonymous said...

PRIVATE AND URGENT.
Mr. Fal Hollard.
Valckenier- straat 85,
1036 XE Mos Eisley,
Tatooine.

Good day,

I am contacting you because of a business concerning a huge sum of money from a deceased deposit in the Security and Finance company where I work here in Tatooine. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. I actually decided to contact you due to the urgency of this transaction.

PROPOSITION;

I discovered an abandoned deposit in my company owned by one of our
Outer Rim customers who died along with his entire family as a result of an landspeeder crash. He actually deposited this funds amounting to
IC12,000,000,000.00 (Twelve billion Imperial Credits), for safekeeping in my company here in Mos Eisley. Company file records shows that the funds was actually for a project our late costumer wanted to start in the near future (a multi million Dollar Spice plant in Kessel), before his sudden and untimely death. As such since his death none of his relations or next-of-kin has come forward to lay claims for this property as the heir, this is the basically the reason why I have contacted you. My company cannot release the roperty unless someone applies for claim as the next-of-kin to the deceased as indicated in our operating guidelines.

Upon this discovery, I now seek your permission to have you stand as a next of kin to the deceased as all documentations will be carefully worked out by me for the funds to be released in your favour as the beneficiary's next of kin. It may interest you to know that I have secured from the probate an order of madamus to locate any of deceased beneficiaries. Please acknowledge receipt of this message in acceptance of our mutual business endeavour by furnishing me with the following;

1. Beneficiary full name and address
2. Direct Telephone and fax numbers
3. Occupation and position
4. Nationality and Date of birth
5. Marital status
6. Gender/sex

These requirements will enable me file letter of claim to the appropriate departments for necessary approvals in your favour before you can personally appear for the claim. I shall be compensating you with 30% of the total money while 10% will be for any expenses incurred the rest will be mine on final conclusion of this project. Please note that your share stays while the rest shall before me for investment
purposes.

If this proposal is acceptable by you, do not take undue advantage of
the trust I have bestowed in you, I await your urgent mail. Please reply to my private and confidential email: falhollard@bankoftatooine.com

Best Regards,
Mr. Fal Hollard.

I hope Darth crushed his freaking windpipe. Oh my, he even answers his own fan mail!

Darth Vader said...

Dear Stormtrooper,

Thanks for troubling to write. You might not believe it, living as you do in the constant camaraderie of arms, but it can be lonely being a superpowerful cyborg. I appreciate your little hello.

By the way, I really like the way your generation of clones has finally adopted the standard galactic pronunciation. It really adds to the dignity of the army.

Sincerely,

D. Vader