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Beloved Leader: October 2006

Beloved Leader

On-the-spot whimsy and wisdom from a Benevolent Despot.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Are My Comments Broken?

Oh! I bet it is that you are all afraid of getting SWIFTed by the Bush spy bureau! I can see how that would prevent you from saying "Hey, Beloved Leader, great post! Your photoshop cadre should be decorated!" Actually, that used to happen, until I found out it was my photoshoppers themselves doing it. State Security found the sockpuppets out; I had them reassigned to the information ministry (with great cut in pay and perks), where they now languish digitally adding cars and people to the Pyongyang photos we publish.

Peace, Out, Comrades!


Who could be so gob-stoppingly stupid as to imagine I would apologize for testing the nuclear weapons to which I am entitled?

When I heard that news following the Tan visit, I wondered if he had switched his diplo pouch with one of ours and sampled some of the product! been at the sauce! Certainly, if my foreign minister were to issue any kind of apology, it would be one of those Bush-style "regret that your underpants are in a wad over this."

Friday, October 20, 2006

We Have Been HACKED!


Korean Word of the Month

Mi-nyo: "Babe"

Got a frantic call from my Seventh Corps commander last night. He complains that there are gaggles of photographers in China taking pictures of my troops from across the Amnok (the Chinese call it Yalu) River. This is causing some stir among the troops. Why can not the west be happy with the pictures we send them from Pyongyang? All the goodlooking troops are stationed here! Some stringer for Reuters is so hungry for pictures of of my people, he deserves what he gets for snooping around the provinces. Still, it is giving some of the troops quite a complex. Some soldiers have been disciplined for preening in front of mirrors before standing watch. This "turd polishing" is a waste of socialist resources; I mean, have you ever seen Uiju Girls? Can you say "born at the top of the Ugly Tree and hit every branch on the way down?"

I brought this matter up in the steamroom this morning where I was "taking the cure" and my information minister had the bright idea of shipping some of the capital girls to the Amnok Watch to "put our best face" in front of their cameras. If anything, it might cheer up the Uiju guys, but what about when the camera-clickers go away? He did not think through this very thoroughly.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

You Aint Nothing But a Capitalist Dog

My Caption Contest functionary has been posted to Hwadae to test rocks for radioaction...he only drew 4 readers! I will not declare a winner without a quorum, especially since none of them stirred me to commission a bronze statue in the image of the winner.

Eager to curry favor, and perhaps avoid a similar fate, my Photoshop cadre pointed out a Caption-Photo contest at one of the blogs on my blogroll. We shall give it the Good Old Communist Speed-Battle Try.

We I won! The celebrations have been going on all day!

Sunday, October 15, 2006

DPRK: NUCLEAR Sexual Paradise

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New: I have seen this picture banded about in the news and blog sites lately, so I dredge up this post from 2004.11 for your education.

James Joyner at Outside the Beltway links to James Dunnigan who says that south Korea is no longer a sexual paradise. Well, duh! Capitalism ruins everything! See this picture above? All those lights are misguided capitalists out looking for sex. Up North, everybody getting some, no need to be out. The Democratic Peoples Republic has superior culture! Why waste energy chasing poji when political functionary cadre assign you willing and dutiful bunkmate, no? And have you seen the makeup caked up on those money-grubbing prostitutes? No need for that in the paradise which is North Korea; in the dark, they all look like Lucy Liu, am I right?

Monday, October 09, 2006

I am Stuffed

Here is why I spent so much time on the Command Commode tonight--that, and the prodigal amount of soju comsumed. My liver is not what it once was in my youth, nor is my stomach. I am too modest to address my other organs. The soup works, I will say.

Just Had This Installed

The button, you pyongshins. I do not know what it does yet, but Marshal Yi gets the heebi-jeebies when I dial out for pizza!


My PornoShop functiornay is keeping me welll stocked with delihgtfull patriotic imgaes as I hiost some soju with the martials. Who needs litlte blue pillls?


I did it Daddy!

Tremlbe in your knickres, bitches! Fear me! Respect me! Apease me! Squeeze me! Tease me! Take me overseas, please...Sorrry, I am a bit drunk right now.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

In the Klieglights Again!

I have finally bumped the tinpots out of the front page! Surrender now, Mister Bush, or behold the mighty power of the Democratic Peoples Republic!

Ha! The iMao Imposter Blog predicts my test results!