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Beloved Leader: October 2005

Beloved Leader

On-the-spot whimsy and wisdom from a Benevolent Despot.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Pyongyang Open Mike Night

The Noraebang was closed last night for political unreliability, so I checked a new club called Utkyotalla. It is a comedy club. Not like American club with its unbiquitous (I use that right?) brick wall...nothing comedic about brick walls in Democratic Peoples Republic, especially the pock-marked ones. And they are all pockmarked.

Anyway, Marshal Paek was feeling his soju, so he got up to the mike and tried out his assortment of stale knock-knock jokes (Knock-knock...Who is there? ...State Security--BANG BANG!!) which got some dutiful, but nervous laughter from the audience of mostly eastern Europeans. After my third Hennessey, I was loose enough to give it a go, but I resolved I would not bomb like Paek...so I dug into my repertoire of impersonations and my flair for timely topical humor. I think the audience really got their heads wrapped around my act...the English-speaking ones any way. I do not think the Slovak interpreter knew who E.G. Robinson was.

Sent to Mudville Gazette.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

A Crony of my Owny

Actually, it is Nepotism. The western press is squealing like piglets over my finally naming a successor, my Number Two Son, Potato Head. What is the big affair? Let us see...in America: Adams times two, the Harrisons, the Johnsons, the Taylors, the Clevelands, the Roosevelts--tell me Jeb will not be the Third Bush in the White House! And you scoff at MY FATHER's dynasty! We could kidnap a random Korean from the south and make him the New Leader--and his name would probably be Kim and you big-noses would still have a fit. So I will tolerate no more jaw from you all.

And this Supreme Judicial Council nominee...she is Dubyu's comrade, no? What is wrong with finding jobs for those you trust? It has kept me alive for this long. And finding jobs for your cronies is so much more worse that pardoning them, eh, Slick Billy?

I predict the mousy lady will get approved, Bush's support will collapse, and Republicans will stay away on Election Day in masses. Then Hillary will win in 08 and I will finally get my Peace Treaty, Reparations, Light Water Reactors, and Summit Meeting with the Heavy Ankled One. I bet I can drink her under the table.

That is a figure of speech, you freaks.

Submitted to the newspaper in Mudville. Where is that, exactly?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Blog Things

I newly added the word verification feature to hopefully slow down the pyongshin who has been adding comment links to girlie sites from which I do not get a cut. I have been diligently working to squeeze from the Imperialist dogs some free light water reactors, seeing as how we could not scratch them down to a surrender agreement. Not much time for blogging or surfing.

Have I missed much? Confused...who leads the USA Democratic Party now? Howard Reid, Harold Dean, or that Sheehan witch with the nose the size Paengnyon Island? Was she in south Korea? My operatives inside and around Camp Casey report no smelly American protestors there. Maybe some smelly Korean protestors, but that is what I pay them to do. I doubled checked the talking points the Overseas Bureau passed them and everything is in order. They do not know what Sheehan is reading, but I suspect a loose cannon in the bureau with a hard-one for Jews. Might be the same guy who must shredding the stuff Babs Streisand is supposed to get. Great O Jin-u's Ghost, I hate when she tries to whinge it.