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Beloved Leader: May 2005

Beloved Leader

On-the-spot whimsy and wisdom from a Benevolent Despot.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Great O Jin-u's Ghost!

I just got a bunch of traffic from that I,Mao impostor! It seems I must have entered myself in his Carnival of Comedy. Is that not some shit? At least this blackout did not result in dead bodies. Good masseuses are hard to find.

Update: Speaking of masseuses, have you ever had a red pepper paste enema? Very invigorating. It is good to have a tub of icewater nearby.

Come on you people! 92 page views in one visit? Have you not been here before? Quit gawking like a bunch of provincials!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

You Have Met Your Match, Young Jedi

I am squishing your head. Squish. Squish.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Korean Word of the Week, 05.05.24

Paji - "pants" Did you know I am Number One Google search result for "Korean Word for Pants?" And the cabbagehead did not even get an answer from that post...should have enclosed it in quotes. I have got something in my pants you cannot enclose in quotes....

Sunday, May 22, 2005


From the Comments at the Darth Side:

Anonymous said...

Mr. Fal Hollard.
Valckenier- straat 85,
1036 XE Mos Eisley,

Good day,

I am contacting you because of a business concerning a huge sum of money from a deceased deposit in the Security and Finance company where I work here in Tatooine. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. I actually decided to contact you due to the urgency of this transaction.


I discovered an abandoned deposit in my company owned by one of our
Outer Rim customers who died along with his entire family as a result of an landspeeder crash. He actually deposited this funds amounting to
IC12,000,000,000.00 (Twelve billion Imperial Credits), for safekeeping in my company here in Mos Eisley. Company file records shows that the funds was actually for a project our late costumer wanted to start in the near future (a multi million Dollar Spice plant in Kessel), before his sudden and untimely death. As such since his death none of his relations or next-of-kin has come forward to lay claims for this property as the heir, this is the basically the reason why I have contacted you. My company cannot release the roperty unless someone applies for claim as the next-of-kin to the deceased as indicated in our operating guidelines.

Upon this discovery, I now seek your permission to have you stand as a next of kin to the deceased as all documentations will be carefully worked out by me for the funds to be released in your favour as the beneficiary's next of kin. It may interest you to know that I have secured from the probate an order of madamus to locate any of deceased beneficiaries. Please acknowledge receipt of this message in acceptance of our mutual business endeavour by furnishing me with the following;

1. Beneficiary full name and address
2. Direct Telephone and fax numbers
3. Occupation and position
4. Nationality and Date of birth
5. Marital status
6. Gender/sex

These requirements will enable me file letter of claim to the appropriate departments for necessary approvals in your favour before you can personally appear for the claim. I shall be compensating you with 30% of the total money while 10% will be for any expenses incurred the rest will be mine on final conclusion of this project. Please note that your share stays while the rest shall before me for investment

If this proposal is acceptable by you, do not take undue advantage of
the trust I have bestowed in you, I await your urgent mail. Please reply to my private and confidential email: falhollard@bankoftatooine.com

Best Regards,
Mr. Fal Hollard.
I hope Darth crushed his freaking windpipe. Oh my, he even answers his own fan mail!

Darth Vader said...

Dear Stormtrooper,

Thanks for troubling to write. You might not believe it, living as you do in the constant camaraderie of arms, but it can be lonely being a superpowerful cyborg. I appreciate your little hello.

By the way, I really like the way your generation of clones has finally adopted the standard galactic pronunciation. It really adds to the dignity of the army.


D. Vader

Friday, May 20, 2005

I am Stoked

Ever wonder why we stopped outfitting the Ryugyong Hotel for tourists?

Feel the Power.

This is Wrong

Via Boing Boing

Maybe I Should Send it Back

Thursday, May 19, 2005

I Prefer Watercolors

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

This is an Old One

Life is like a box of wamp rats....


I am missing the context of this one. Are not manatees water creatures? Well, I hear in America of rivers catching fire, so that must be it. Disturbing picture, though. Are you disturbed?


I got the DVD for New Year's present this year.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

More Darthly Goodness

This time from Vader himself!

Hat tip to Small Victory.

Saturday, May 14, 2005


I just found this one on the Internets.

It's Friday, You Bastards!

Such is the weekly rant of the lowbrow right-wing author of American Drums Linger. The title of his blog makes no sense, as musically, a drumbeat is a rather abrupt sound. The drummer's cymbal, on the other hand, lingers like a peasant at a free picnic! Heh. The Cymbal of America is George Bush...he just does not go away. I must put my thumb on him as a drummer would and silence him.

This drum guy rambles on and on about guns, but he does not seem to be a member of the fascist imperial American military hegemony. Must read a lot of books. He posts very nice photos of those scantily dressed American bimbos from their military...no wonder they can maintain a volunteer Army--that's where the bimbos are! I have better uses for my bimbos.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Great New Blog

America's greatest progressives (and my dearest allies) have banded together to form a blog almost as great as my own, Huffington's Toast. Comprised mostly of movers and shakers in media and industry, they even provide insight posts from people in the news. Entertaining and informative!

They even have people posting from beyond the grave!

Thursday, May 12, 2005

I Cannot Wait

Darth Vader is my role model, after all.

Perfunctory thanks for the graphics to...screw it. He knows who he is.

Women are Strange

Most women do not like when I use force in the bedroom. This one is screaming for it.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005


Had this really great idea for a post thought up but Blogger was down. Rather than write things down, I surfed some internet porn just to make sure the entire Internet was not broken. It was not. Thank the Goddess of Pixels for that. If I was Al Qaida, the servers with all the porn on them would be my number one target. I am happy they did not think of it; I have some of my favorite stuff on CD just in case. Now I direct my ire to Blogger. You would think for as much as I paid for this blog, I could get some service! These guys are as spotty as Hyesan Power and Light! I must talk to Vladimir about buying Munuvia or something.

Drat! Now what was that great idea I had?

The Gang is All Here

At the Noraebang

I killed them at the Noraebang last night. No, not like I normally do (I forgot my piano wire). I got tired of doing my Sinatra routine, so I put on a ripped T-shirt and rolled up the sleeves to show off my guns...no, not the SiG-Sauers -- my arms! I have been working out. Yes...I was the Boss! Even had the curly hair for it.

Got in a little hometown jam
So they put a shovel in my hand
Sent me off to till the land
Gotta be a monaeki man

I was BORN in the DPRK! BORN in the DPRK!

Monaeki = Rice transplanting

Is This Spam?

I keep getting things like this in my Email. Is there a way to filter them out?

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Korean Nuke Tests

Inevitable? I hope so! We have been conducting nuke tests every day this month and still have not gotten one to explode! Reminds me of Bugs Bunny cartoon where he works in a bomb factory striking bombs on the nose, then writing "DUD" on the ones that don't explode. "Twenty years until I can retire!" That rabbit cracks me up!

Submitted to Outside the Beltway traffic jam...another good place for a nuke test.

Bloody Capitalism

Korean Word of the Week - 05.05.09

Nabyong Hwanja - Leper Patient. Sometimes I feel like that.

Not One of Ours

Korea Needs More Geek Chicks

Monday, May 09, 2005

This Guy Makes Me Laugh

It is probably too late to have him killed.

I am in the Mood for Discipline

I need to kidnap a new pizza chef.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Very Funny, Guys

I forget to laugh. Click the picture to visit database of KCNA archives.

Perfunctory hat tip to the Marmot.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Korean Word of the Week - May 2

Palsa - Launch

And I will LAUNCH some more until they stop calling the East Sea the Sea of Fucking Japan!

New to the Blogroll

Via Dust my Broom comes the Decadent West, because of whom I am willing to sell a few more missiles so I can afford high-speed internet.

I think I might fire half of the Reconnaissance Bureau and have the rest surf this goldmine of intelligence.

First MILF...Indeed

My comrade in Socialism, Raskolnikov, at Canuckistan's Dust my Broom, posted a fine pic of the site of more drillings than Odessa, Texas. Time for a cold shower.

Do not ask me why I am on their blogroll as an American. I am as American as Kimchi-on-a-Stick.

Turd Meme

This "Turd in a Punchbowl" poetry meme has been going around the Blogworld for days.

Turd in a Punchbowl
Like a Ming-class submarine
At periscope depth

It lends itself well to haiku, does it not?

Monday, May 02, 2005

Korean Word of the Week - 05 May 1

Noraebang - Karaoke house.

I had them rolling in the aisles with my Sinatra impersonation last night:

Stranger in my pants...
Must be Condi...
Looking for romance....